Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Lovely Bones


When I lived with my best friend Jessica in college, I walked into her room one day to find her laying in her bed BALLING her eyes out. I asked her what was wrong and she said that the book she was reading, "The Lovely Bones" was soooo incredibly sad. I told her she was a weirdo and she needed to get out of the house! A few months later Jessica died in an insane car accident. While I was in San Diego for her funeral we stopped at Costco to get some flowers. While in the flower section I stumbled across "The Lovely Bones" laying in the middle of the aisle. I picked it up and remembered that she had this book and said it was great. I knew I had to buy the book because how incredibly random was it that the book she was reading was laying in the middle of the flower aisle when all the books were across the store? I felt like she was telling me to read the book. A few weeks later I began reading. It was about a girl who died. She was in heaven and her family and closest friends thought of her often. She wanted so badly for them to know that when they thought of her, she knew it. When they spoke to her, she heard them. My interpretation of the book might have been distorted due to the situation I was in at the time. But it felt like Jessica was reassuring me that when I wanted to talk to her, she heard me and when I thought about her, she knew it. Now 2010, (6 years after her passing) I broke down in tears as I was sitting in my living room alone watching tv. I saw an advertisement for a new movie, "The Lovely Bones." My heart felt heavy and I found it hard to breathe. Why now? Why bring back all the emotions I had when she died? I barely started to "really" smile again. And now I can't stop myself from thinking about our past and everything that happened every time the commercial plays. I know I am going to watch the movie. I know I will watch it alone so that I can express the emotions I want to without worrying about what others are thinking. No one knows how that book affected me, and no one understands how I felt when Jess died. I have never found a friend like Jessica, and I doubt I ever will.

4 comments:

Michelene said...

Love you girl. Can we connect today?

Cami said...

B. thank you for sharing your soul. you are not alone, friend!

Brian said...

It is weird how every time I happen to search for my sister, Jessica, your blog comes up. I have read most of the things you have posted about her, but decided this time to look over each blog to see if I missed anything. That led me to stumbling upon this specific blog. I watched that movie and felt the same exact way. I find myself time and time again, coming back to your blog and reading what you have posted about Jess. I don't know what it is, but I always feel better after every time I come to visit your thoughts. This specific one seems too perfect. I know she can hear us and I thank you for sharing.

PS. You have a beautiful family and she knows how special of a friend you still are.

Brian said...

It is weird how every time I search for my sister, Jessica, your blog is always one of the first searches to come up. I don't know why I do it, but it has led me countless times to your blog, and I have been able to read and share in your experiences with Jess. This time, however, I decided to dig a little deeper and see if there were stories I may have missed. That's when I stumbled upon this blog, The Lovely Bones. I saw the movie and the only thing I could think about the entire time was, that was her. It almost seemed too perfect. Just wanted to say thanks for the posts and the memories you have shared.

PS. You have a beautiful family and I know she knows how good of a friend you still are. God Bless!