Monday, January 25, 2010

Baby Goodness!!

There is nothing better than the smell of a baby. Fresh out of the bath tub with some baby lotion is the best! I don't think I could be more in love with anything in this world. My boys' are precious. Now that they are here, I can't imagine life without them. I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams to have not one, but TWO gorgeous, healthy, baby boys!!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Tragedy strikes again....

I am awake right now, and I shouldn't be. On Tuesday night my mom, Auntie Marcie, Uncle Steve, and my Grandpa came up from Fresno. Aaron and I met them at their hotel and had a great dinner. Wednesday morning I drove them to the airport.....they have called me over and over from Hawaii to tell me about how great it is and how they wish we were there. 1:00Am text message from my mom. "Are you awake?" I respond "Yes." Twenty minutes go by and no response. I turn my ringer off because I figure they are out on the town and after me, Aaron, and the babies fall back asleep, they are going to call and wake us up! 3:59AM text message from my mom. "I have bad news." When I wake up at 4:15AM to a crying baby, I see the message and call my mom. My uncle Steve had a heart attack in Hawaii and passed away. They tell me how it happened and everyone is in shock...I just don't know how to feel or what to think. We were just at dinner....we were just on the phone! He just told me he is bringing my boys to Hawaii when they are 18! How can he be gone? How is my Aunt going to function? How is she going to be able to go into her home without him? They want to come home ASAP but Hawaiian airlines is still closed. They are going to do an autopsy on Steve on Monday, and then they will fly him home. My heart hurts....I hate death...I hate that it is a part of life. I want my Aunt to have her husband...I hate that they had to leave him at the hospital and go back to their hotel room and see all of his things....they are on vacation and should be having a great time....I am just so overwhelmed by all my thoughts....I wish I had answers...

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Lovely Bones

When I lived with my best friend Jessica in college, I walked into her room one day to find her laying in her bed BALLING her eyes out. I asked her what was wrong and she said that the book she was reading, "The Lovely Bones" was soooo incredibly sad. I told her she was a weirdo and she needed to get out of the house! A few months later Jessica died in an insane car accident. While I was in San Diego for her funeral we stopped at Costco to get some flowers. While in the flower section I stumbled across "The Lovely Bones" laying in the middle of the aisle. I picked it up and remembered that she had this book and said it was great. I knew I had to buy the book because how incredibly random was it that the book she was reading was laying in the middle of the flower aisle when all the books were across the store? I felt like she was telling me to read the book. A few weeks later I began reading. It was about a girl who died. She was in heaven and her family and closest friends thought of her often. She wanted so badly for them to know that when they thought of her, she knew it. When they spoke to her, she heard them. My interpretation of the book might have been distorted due to the situation I was in at the time. But it felt like Jessica was reassuring me that when I wanted to talk to her, she heard me and when I thought about her, she knew it. Now 2010, (6 years after her passing) I broke down in tears as I was sitting in my living room alone watching tv. I saw an advertisement for a new movie, "The Lovely Bones." My heart felt heavy and I found it hard to breathe. Why now? Why bring back all the emotions I had when she died? I barely started to "really" smile again. And now I can't stop myself from thinking about our past and everything that happened every time the commercial plays. I know I am going to watch the movie. I know I will watch it alone so that I can express the emotions I want to without worrying about what others are thinking. No one knows how that book affected me, and no one understands how I felt when Jess died. I have never found a friend like Jessica, and I doubt I ever will.