HONEYMOON COUNTDOWN

After all the trauma and heartbreak that has gone on in my life the past few years, I can't even begin to say how excited I am for my honeymoon. This Friday my AMAZING husband and I will travel to Maui. I consider it my last hoorah from my dad. It was his treat and I look forward to going. Aaron and I have never been there, so we are excited. We are broke as a joke, and are looking forward to just relaxing and being with one another. We are staying at the Hyatt Regency in Maui. Have any of you ever been there? If so, what do you recommend we do?

Bye bye Dad

Yesterday was my dad's funeral at the Clovis Funeral Chapel. I think he would have been pleased with how it turned out. I was freaking out because the night before I pulled an all nighter attempting to create a slideshow to show at the service. I am completely computer illiterate, and it was NOT working. Then my computer crashed. All I have to say is thank God for good friends. Aaron's bff, Anthony (who was also the Best Man in our wedding) rescued me. He came over and after hours of messing with it, he got it onto a dvd! I am oh so greatful! But before he came, I had a break down. I screamed, cried, threw things, and then laid on the floor. I am 24, and didn't think it was still possible to throw a tantrum like a 2 year old. But it happened. The stress was too overwhelming. So there were over 250 people there and all of the seats were taken. Many people had to stand all along the back and along the walls. It made me feel good to know my dad had so many friends. I am happy to be back home though. For those of you who don't know me, I have some good ol' white trash in my family. Before my dad was even dead, his crazy old sister went into his house and cleared it out. Everyone tells me I should put up a bigger fuss about it because I am the next of kin, but honestly, it is just stuff. I have gotten so much from my dad in my life, that I am not going to fight with people over possessions. I was "allowed" to go in there and get a few things though. I got his table (so ugly) but he was so proud of it. It was one of the first peices of furniture he ever purchased. I also got his pijamas and his softball bag. I know that sounds weird, but I loved my dads pjs! My dad was all about the comfort. Everytime I went there, I would put on his clothes and he would get mad that I wouldn't give them back before I left! And then the softball bag....that was just our thing. He never in my life, missed one of my games. He was my biggest fan. I wanted to share the obituary I wrote for my dad, and first let me say that I cannot believe how much those things are! $745 bucks, for an obituary! What the heck!

George Edward Downs
GEORGE EDWARD DOWNS George was born on July 24, 1956, in Miami, Florida, and went to be with the Lord on August 19, 2008. He was a 1974 graduate of Sierra High School in Tollhouse, Ca. George owned and operated George Downs Roofing, Inc. for several years. It was one of the most reputable roofing companies in the central valley. George was known for his infectious smile and his gift to gab. One of his favorite past times was gambling. If he didn't answer his cell phone, he was either on top of a roof, at the casino, or at the race track! He enjoyed riding his Harley up to Shaver Lake and loved to fish. Everywhere George went, he ran into someone he knew! He was well known and loved by many. George's personality was simply one of a kind, and he lived by his own set of rules. As George would put it, 'I did it my way.' George was preceded in death by his father, Edward Downs. George is survived by his daughter, Brittany Downs-Ibarra and her husband Aaron; daughter, Dena Amador and her husband Ryan; daughter, Janie Daughtry; son, Nicholas Cesena; his mother, Peggy Downs; sisters, Jeanette Dollar, Judy Downs, and Peggy Jean Smith; grand-children, Reagan and Aiden Amador; as well as his niece and nephews. George will be greatly missed by many of his life long friends and extended family. A Memorial Service will be held at the Clovis Funeral Chapel on Tuesday, August 26, 2008, at 11:00 a.m. In lieu of flowers, the family request donations in George's memory be sent to the St. Jude's Children's Hospital.

I will love you and miss you for the rest of my life! Love always, your favorite girl! ~B

Overwhelmed

It has been two days since my dad died. I am back home in South San Francisco. I came into work today....and I am mad that I did, now that I am here. I miss my dad. I think about him randomly, and wonder if he can see me, or if he knows how incredibly much I miss him. Why is it that I NEVER felt comfortable showing emotion around him while he lived, but now that he is gone, I can't stop?! I just feel like a walking zombie. I don't know what I would do if it wasn't for Aaron. He has been my rock. I know it is hard on him because he doesn't know what to do or what to say. He just keeps saying he's sorry. I love him. I am so glad my dad knew I found a great man that would take care of me. I know he always worried about that. Tomorrow I am leaving to go to San Luis Obispo to be a part of my dear friend Mandy's wedding. Then my dad's funeral is Tuesday at 11:00am, and then I leave for my honeymoon August 29th. I am so busy, so overwhelmed...I can barely breathe. I hope my dad knows I miss him...

RIP George Downs 7-24-56 to 8-19-08

On Sunday 8-17-08. I got a phone call from my mom. She said she heard through the grape vine that my dad was in the hospital again and that he is taking a turn for the worst. For those of you who do not know, my dad has been battling cirrhosis of the liver and diabetes for many years now. I have been called over 5 times to be told that my dad has come to the end of the road, and that I must come say my goodbyes. Every time, he pulled through and went home. I always joked with him and told him he was like a cat with 9 lives! Many of you might also be unaware of the fact that my dad 's illness greatly effected his moods and his brain. His amonia levels would get all whacko and he would do and say crazy, horrible things. It was too the point that we got into it so bad, I told him I didn't want him at my wedding on 8-2-08. We always fought the worst way....we are two of the most stubborn people around!! I called my dad on 8-16-08 and there was no answer....it would have been the first time in months we would have spoken. So on Sunday when my mom said it was bad, I figured it would be like any other time and my dad would be home soon. But my husband and I got in the car and headed to Fresno. By the time I got there it was too late to talk to him. He was in a coma....and I went into the room by myself and just balled for hours....I knew I would never talk to my dad again and that I messed up beyond measure. The doctor said he had 48 hours to live and that his liver fully shut down and that the rest of his organs would shut down soon. We stayed in the hospital and I begged him not to die. I wanted him to wake up so I could tell him I was sorry and that I loved him. At 1:02pm on 8-19-08, my dad took his last breath and passed away. For years he would joke with me and tell me that I better say I love him and show him affection because when he was dead and gone, I would miss him more than ever. He was so right. If you are arguing or fighting with anyone in your life, make your peace. There is no way to describe to you, the pain and sadness I am feeling in my heart. My dad is dead....he is really gone forever....I don't think I will ever accept it...I hate it sooo much....I know he isn't suffering or in pain anymore, but I miss him sooo much. I miss you Dad....

I did it!!

I really really did it! 8.5 inches cut, and new blond highlights!! I was nervous and afraid of change! I absolutely LOVE my hair and am so happy that I went for it! I love how my husband stared at me in awe! It was a great feeling for him to think I am so beautiful! Thanks to all of you who voted!! XOXO~B

Ignorant People

It really pisses me off when people leave rude anonymous blog comments. If you have something to say, or you are trying to make a point, leave your freakin name!

Change...is it good or is it bad?

I have an appointment at 5:30pm to get this cut. Can I pull it off? What do you think? I have had the same boring doo for as long as I can remember! I look in the mirror and I think, yuck! I am a chubby girl, and bigger woman with round faces don't really look good with short hair! Tell me the truth, I need guidance!