The good bits!

This morning at 4am my crazy 3 month old's decided to scream bloody murder. I got up, warmed up some bottles, hubby and I changed them and fed them, and thought they would quickly fall back asleep. But to our surprise, they wanted to stay up to laugh and talk to each other. They would look at each other and laugh like crazy. My hubby and I couldn't help but play too. Watching your kids laugh is the best feeling ever. When they finally fell asleep, I just stared at them. They are so innocent, so pure...I feel guilty for bringing them into this crazy misguided world we live in. I only hope I will have the tools to lead them the right way. But these are the moments that I feel I have it all!

Valley Children's Hospital

Well I have definitely been out of the loop lately. My son Dylan has been in the hospital for 4 days now. We are at Valley Children's Hospital in Madera, CA. I drove to Fresno on Saturday with the two boys and Sunday I decided to take Dylan in. He was diagnosed with Bronchiolitis and now has RSV. It is a viral infection that attacks the lungs. Being that he was premature and is only 3 months, this is a serious problem. I had never heard of RSV until we arrived here, and it seems to be the number one reason all of these poor sick kids are here! Usually they do not put two patients in the same room at this hospital, but since this RSV epidemic, RSV patients are sharing rooms. I am so nervous about my other twin, Brayden. He has begun coughing and is wheezing. I pray that he doesn't get this because he was the one who had serious breathing problems when he was born. Seeing Dylan in the hospital breaks my heart. I love my boys more than ANYTHING in this world and I hate to see him suffer. I want to lay next to him and just make him feel better. This is such a draining experience for Aaron and I. He drove down here from the bay, and we have been switching off watching babies. I will stay the night in the hospital with Dylan and then will hang out with Brayden during the day. I have realized that Aaron and I are fighting this battle alone. I do not like to ask for help, and I feel that we only have each other to lean on. I haven't slept in like 5 days and it is taking a toll on me. I just need some rest....physically and emotionally. I went to Urgent care today and the doc prescribed a Z-pack so hopefully it helps. Cherish everyday with the ones you love! You never know when your world is going to be turned upside down! Be thankful every day for the ones you love most.

Mayonnaise Jar & Two Beers...

I got this sent to me and considering all the struggles Aaron and I are going through right now, it totally made me feel better and motivated me to go forward and strive for excellence! Just wanted to share....

Mayonnaise Jar & Two Beers...

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar w as full.


They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly.


The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls..


He then asked the students again if the jar was full.


They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.


Of course, the sand filled up everything else.


He asked once more if the jar was full.


The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.


The students laughed..

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.


The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else---the small stuff.


'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.


The same goes for life.


If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.


Spend time with your children.


Spend time with your parents.


Visit with grandparents.

Enjoy your 20 friendships.


Take time to get medical checkups.


Take your spouse out to dinner.


Play another 18.


There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.


Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter.


Set your priorities.


The rest is just sand.


One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented.


The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.'

The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.


LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS...
...IT'S LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN !

From the Famous words of Donna Partow

10 years ago I went to a Woman's Retreat in Cambria, CA. The speaker, Donna Partow was UNBELIEVABLE! She mentioned her book, "This isn't the life I signed up for." Now, I never bought the book but from that day forward I remember thinking that whenever times got hard in my life, or I was frustrated about something....I always said to myself, "This isn't the life I signed up for." Now, 10 years later, I still remember her and use her slogan quite frequently. I just ordered the book on Amazon and hope that maybe it can provide some insight as to how I can be happy with the life I am living instead of always bitter about it.

A post to simply vent...

As some of you may know, my husband and I have 17% custody of his 5 year old Christian. The court deemed that to be a fair amount. We won't get into all the details but it is fair to say that the California Family Court definitely favors the mother. My husband is a great man, and a great father. He loves his kids more than anything and has fought over and over to get custody of his son but nothing seems to work. Yesterday, Christian's kindergarten teacher tells my husband that at the rate Christian is going, he will not be going to the 1st grade. WTH! Seriously, we are so annoyed. We get Christian for such a small amount of time that we do not want to be spending the entire visit doing home work with him. His mom fought so hard for Christian because he is so "important" to her....so why doesn't she step up her game as a mom? If we had him, things would be different. He would have guidance, structure, order, and consequences. We want him to succeed more than anything. I predict that she will fight to keep Christian from us for all of these years that truly count, and then when he becomes a 15 year old out of control teenager that doesn't adapt well to rules or life in general, will send him to live with us. That is unacceptable to me. The courts need to realize that they are enabling someone to make a paycheck a higher priority than a 5 year old's life.

Baby Goodness!!

There is nothing better than the smell of a baby. Fresh out of the bath tub with some baby lotion is the best! I don't think I could be more in love with anything in this world. My boys' are precious. Now that they are here, I can't imagine life without them. I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams to have not one, but TWO gorgeous, healthy, baby boys!!

Tragedy strikes again....

I am awake right now, and I shouldn't be. On Tuesday night my mom, Auntie Marcie, Uncle Steve, and my Grandpa came up from Fresno. Aaron and I met them at their hotel and had a great dinner. Wednesday morning I drove them to the airport.....they have called me over and over from Hawaii to tell me about how great it is and how they wish we were there. 1:00Am text message from my mom. "Are you awake?" I respond "Yes." Twenty minutes go by and no response. I turn my ringer off because I figure they are out on the town and after me, Aaron, and the babies fall back asleep, they are going to call and wake us up! 3:59AM text message from my mom. "I have bad news." When I wake up at 4:15AM to a crying baby, I see the message and call my mom. My uncle Steve had a heart attack in Hawaii and passed away. They tell me how it happened and everyone is in shock...I just don't know how to feel or what to think. We were just at dinner....we were just on the phone! He just told me he is bringing my boys to Hawaii when they are 18! How can he be gone? How is my Aunt going to function? How is she going to be able to go into her home without him? They want to come home ASAP but Hawaiian airlines is still closed. They are going to do an autopsy on Steve on Monday, and then they will fly him home. My heart hurts....I hate death...I hate that it is a part of life. I want my Aunt to have her husband...I hate that they had to leave him at the hospital and go back to their hotel room and see all of his things....they are on vacation and should be having a great time....I am just so overwhelmed by all my thoughts....I wish I had answers...