I'm back!

I have had a burning sensation to update my blog for such a long time but time has just not allowed it.  It has literally been just about a year since I have written anything.  School has been out for about 8 days and I am already freaking out about where my life is going.  I am still waiting on 3 teachers to post grades....go figure, they are the 3 classes that were the most difficult, and I truly have no clue if I will pass them.  The uncertainty is killing me.  I need to know if I am a college graduate, or if I am returning to good old San Francisco State next semester. Other than that, life has been crazy busy!  Christmas came and went and it honestly didn't feel like it was Christmas time.  2012 has been an insanely busy year for us, and I know the hubby and I are looking forward to life slowing down.  In 2013, I hope to refocus my attention on my family and my health.  I want to go back to being the Mom and wife who cooks every night, has play dates with my kiddos, and gets to have one on one dates with my hubby! With school out of the way, this should all be possible!!! Hope you all have a Happy New Year!!

OVERWHELMED!!

I am just so overwhelmed with life. I do not have time to sit here and write this blog post, but I needed a positive outlet to vent and release some built up stress because typing on here ALWAYS makes me feel better. It is 7:44pm and I am just flat out exhausted. I have so much stuff to do before I can just crawl into my warm cozy bed and drift off to sleep. I know I chose this path for myself, but I just didn't realize how demanding it was going to be. I am living life as a single mom and let me tell you it is crazy. Aaron is back in his final phase of the police academy and his schedule is so intense that I only see him on Friday evenings and Saturdays. We just seem to pass each other as he is walking out the door and I am walking in! All week he goes to work from 6:30am-1:30pm and then he has to drive to San Jose until 10:30pm. Monday, Wednesday, & Friday I work from 8am-3pm but just getting the kids up, dressed, & fed is a job in itself. Then Tuesday I am in school all day and Thursday I am in school from 8:00am until 10:00pm! Sooo incredibly psycho but I realize that there will be huge rewards for this crazy life we are living. I am so close to being done with school I can taste it. It is just hard to balance being a Mom, Wife, Student, employee, cook, housekeeper, nurse, friend, sister, etc! I am a woman of many roles and I am trying my best to live up to each of my roles/responsibilities. I just need to focus and get organized, and possibly splurge on a housekeeper just to help me out with the "deep" cleaning that needs to be done around here! I am so thankful for my beautiful boys and even though they can drive me freakin NUTS and make me want to pull out all of my hair, they also remind me why life is so incredibly precious! They are my reasons for pushing through these struggles because I want to be a positive example to them. I want to show them that you have to work hard to get what you want in life. I want them to think I am a strong woman. Life is crazy and unpredictable and I won't let it stop me.

MyTERRIBLE night

Last night around 6:30 the twins and I headed to South City to meet my mother in law at her church potluck. I was an exit away when out of the blue Brayden started screaming bloody murder. I turn around and look at him and he had vomit all over him. Then he started throwing up again and then started choking. I panicked and pulled over, cleaned him up and proceeded to the church so that I could take him out of the car and clean out his car seat. After we cleaned him off, I decided to take the boys back home and loaded them back in the car. What should have been a 15 minute trip turned into a 45 minute trip from hell. I was in the fast lane when all of a sudden traffic came to a complete stop. Right then, Brayden started vomiting again and choking on it. I was panicking and helpless. I put on my blinker and tried getting over and no one would let me. I rolled my window down and made eye contact with people and told them that my son was very sick and choking and I needed help and they just rolled their windows back up and pretended they didn't see me. One lady told me she "didn't give a sh*t if my son was choking she was late for dinner!" He threw up over 5 times in the car and was going in and out of consciousness. I FINALLY made it to the shoulder and got out of the car. People were driving by cussing me out, flipping me off, and that just added to the stress of having a son that was covered in vomit from head to toe and me being unable to do anything. Finally I got back in the car and floored it on the shoulder...that really pissed people off and I was getting flack from all of them. People were pulling in front of me on the shoulder just so I couldn't drive by. Finally I saw some flares that some CHP's had laid out and I ran 4 of them over and that caused one of them to pull me over. Thank God for that because when he came over to the car and saw what was happening he moved the flares over in the street blocking all traffic so I could go ahead of everyone. It was a VERY frustrating night and it really bothered me how unkind people are. Did it really not occur to ANY of the drivers that maybe there was an emergency or something was wrong? Or what about the people who I told what was going on and they just blatantly ignored me and my pleas for help?! We live in a SICK world with a lot of heartless people. The point of this whole story is to think twice when you are on the road and see someone that needs help. Is it REALLY that big a deal of that car goes ahead of you or if that motorcycle wants to split lanes? No, its not so just get over it and let them get by. At 2am, Dylan woke up screaming and we went in there to find him covered in puke too. Gave him a bath and for the rest of the night him and Brayden took turns throwing up. We got zero sleep and we are all beat. I feel nauseous and know that this little virus is heading my way. My poor husband had to get up to go to the police academy and around 5:30am I got a call from him saying that he hit something that was on the freeway and the car is out of commission and that he was basically stranded out in the middle of nowhere. This is REALLY not the time for all these issues to be popping up. Praying for a speedy recovery for my kids and praying for financial blessings so that we can get the car back to where it needs to be! Prayers from you are appreciated too!

My Blessings

Yesterday was my beautiful twin boys 2nd birthday! I planned this huge party and hired a petting zoo to come! It was crazy and chaotic but my boys truly loved it and so it made all of the CRAZY worth it! It baffles me how the time has just flown by and my boys have turned into little men and are no longer babies. I want our busy lives to just slow down so that I can enjoy them to the fullest! This past year has been one of the hardest for my family. Aaron has been out of work and our financial situation has really taken a toll on us. I planned this extravagant petting zoo party before Aaron was out of work, and my step father had to come to the rescue and pay the final balance for us because we were overdrawn. Growing up, money was never an issue for me. My Dad George had plenty of money and never let me go without. I experienced over the top trips and parties, and frequented 5 star restaurants and spas on a regular basis. Now that he is gone, I have realized that the life we lived was luxurious and that, that is not "real life." I used to think not having money meant that life was OVER. God has definitely been using $$$ to teach us lessons about life. Although I really like to have money, I now know that life isn't over when you don't have it. I have been amazed at how we have had $2.46 TOTAL in our checking and savings combined and have rent due and I look in the mail box to find a check in there. God has used people in our lives to bless us in ways that we have never expected. Although our financial situation really stresses us out and really messes with our "peace of mind" we are SOOOO blessed. Thought I would share a few reasons why I am thankful to wrap up the Thanksgiving holiday:

• My husband makes a mean cup of coffee
• My children are healthy
• I have access to a hot shower and a toilet that flushes
• I have experienced true love and have a husband and children who love me unconditionally.
• I was lucky enough to get a job that pays decent in this economy which allows me to contribute to my family.
• My kids are loved by many.
• I have a select few of people who truly "get" me.

Terrific Tuesday!!

Today is a totally random day. My husband is in San Jose taking his POST exam. The POST exam is a requirement for him to become a Police Officer so my fingers are crossed and I pray he passes! My kiddos started preschool a couple of weeks ago and because I work there they get to go for FREE! Isn't that super amazing? Do you know what it costs for a child to go to a "non-ghetto" preschool in the Bay Area? It costs a fortune and I have 2 kids to pay for!!! I am SOOO blessed!! They weren't really getting used to being there because I wasn't bringing them consistently, so their teacher asked me to bring them every day for the next 2 weeks so that they can adjust. Today I have the day off of work so I am just catching up on all of the things I NEED to get done! It is just so weird for me to be in my house all alone and have SILENCE! So I just took a really hot shower, for the first time in a long time got to take my time shaving my legs (this is a big deal for me if you are wondering why I added this detail), did a load of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, and then put some Chicken Enchilada Chili in the crock pot! My Aunt Cindy made this dish for us while we were camping in Dinkey Creek and I just fell in love! Since today is super chilly I thought it would be a perfect dinner to warm my little family up!! Here is the recipe in case you wanted to give it a try!

11/2 cups prepared enchilada sauce (read labels carefully if avoiding gluten)

2 (14.5-ounce) cans tomatoes with seasoning (your choice: I had garlic and olive oil on hand)

2 (15-ounce) cans pinto or kidney beans with juice (or 1 cup dry pinto beans, soaked overnight)

2 celery stalks, chopped

1 onion, diced, or 1 tablespoon dried minced onion flakes

1 to 2 teaspoons chili powder

1 teaspoon ground cumin

11/2 pounds chicken (thighs, legs, breasts—your choice)

shredded cheddar cheese and sour cream for serving (optional)

I just throw all of it in the crock pot and cook on high for like 6 hours! =) Then I make some corn bread to serve with it! Happy Crockin!

Life in the hospital take 1!

Day 2 at Stanford!

Before his haircut, he was hanging out with Brayden & Dylan Jim's favorite son in law going to town on his hair!

The finished product! I think we look pretty good!

On our way to dinner in the cafeteria!

The past week has been a total blur for me. I literally feel dazed and confused. My Stepdad Jim is still in the hospital. He was brought to Stanford Medical Center from Fresno because apparently they are notorious for being capable of removing massive brain tumors successfully. I like that he is here because Palo Alto is only 20 minutes from my house. My Aunt Cindy has been seriously amazing. She is my stepdads sister and health advocate and she truly holds up her end of the bargain! Tonight was the first time that she has left his side, and it was to run to my house to take a shower! My stepdad is super lucky to have her. He has a VERY supportive family so he is definitely blessed that all of his siblings, his Mom, and my little brother all want the very best for him. We have been told for a few days that the head neurosurgeon Dr. Chang, will be coming by the room to chat with us. HOWEVER, he has been a no show as of now. Just got word that FOR SURE tomorrow he will visit us "mid-day". I definitely won't hold my breath...My first reaction is to be super rude because I am so irritable because I am exhausted mentally and physically and also that so many of our questions are unanswered and that his customer service skills SUCK by keeping us waiting, but at the same time I sure don't want to piss of the surgeon that is going to be cutting into my loved ones brain! =) I think I will just suck it up and be a sweetheart! I definitely feel like it is easy to get "forgotten" when you are in the hospital. None of the staff TRULY cares for you or your family like you do. This is where they work so you gotta be proactive to get stuff taken care of because this is just "their job" and they do not have any emotional attachment to your situation. Even at the so-called "best hospital" around, you gotta fight to make them take your situation personal so that they will be more apt to helping you! My stepdad has his ups and downs. He is at his best during the day and as he gets more tired throughout the day, the brain tumor starts revealing itself more and more. For example, we will have a conversation with him about how he is at Stanford hospital because he has a brain tumor. 10 minutes later he will tell you that he wants to go in the kitchen to make coffee. We have to constantly bring him back to reality and test his memory by asking him questions. My hubby brought my boys by to pay their Grandpa Jim a visit today. He also brought his hair clippers so he could give Jim a nice hair cut to prepare him for his brain surgery. It turned out really well and afterwards Jim was doing so great that we got him a wheel chair to take him to the cafeteria to eat. This was his first time leaving the hospital room!!!! You could really tell that the "real Jim" began slipping away as dinner went on. He began to get confused and we could just tell it was time to get him back into his room. He has been asleep for awhile now, but randomly woke up and told me he wanted to go into his bedroom to sleep. He got up and walked out into the hallway and I had to remind him that he was in the hospital and that he already was sleeping. Finally got him back to sleep so hopefully he will stay put and will remember where he is. I will update everyone tomorrow! Goodnight! XOXO

Stress, stress, and more stress

I seriously don't even know how I have time to update this blog. I am making myself do it because I always feel better after I write and right now I am in desperate need of some stress relief. On Tuesday we found out that my stepdad Jim's brain tumor is back. When I was younger he had a brain tumor but the doctors successfully removed it. I guess it has since grown back. Over the past 3 days things have gotten so much worse...his behavior is odd and his memory or lack there of, is really noticeable. It really stresses me out and frustrates me because for months now some of us have really noticed that something was wrong but nothing was done to prove it. This morning, he fell down and wasn't found for a couple hours. Apparently he broke his collar bone or some other bones. He is in the hospital now and they are trying to figure out exactly what is broken. He might have to be moved to a different hospital because his neurosurgeon has no rights at the hospital he is currently at. I have anxiety about driving home to Fresno because it brings back bad memories about me constantly traveling to Fresno to visit my biological dad when he was dying....My hubby will be away at the Police Academy all weekend so it looks like the twins and I are making a trip. I hope they behave and don't cause too much chaos! =) To top it off Aaron's old employer called asking him to come back to work because they had "TONS" of work...so he made the switch and guess what? He has been sitting at home for 8 days now without any work...just lovely when you live check to check and you have tons of bills... I need a VACATION!